I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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