just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His nipple licking is glorious
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