She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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