why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
