He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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