Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
