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I need you to use more vowels.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
