OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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