I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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