Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
