if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
