were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
