I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
3 2 1 whiskey
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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