Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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