we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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