Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
