My nipple is on Facebook.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
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