I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize