I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
