hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
