theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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