took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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