Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
