I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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