I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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