Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
