so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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