Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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