I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
