There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she smelled like a LAN party
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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