Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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