you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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