Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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