Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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