are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize