I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
