69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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