we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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