Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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