how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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