you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
