I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
