Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
