dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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