we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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