Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
