Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
