plz talk dirty to me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
