dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
