god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
