everyone is single if you try hard enough
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
