She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
