If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize