I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
