Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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