i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
