So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
