Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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