Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
