Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
