i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
