connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
