sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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