Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
