is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
