It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
