Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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