When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
