i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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