I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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