At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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